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Something Awful





I'm so happy you could make it here! You are probably wondering what our guild is about, and what the heck we're doin on a PvP server!!! Either that or you're looking for hardcore bestiality and japscat porn!

Well, if you're wondering what we're about, we're here to make Rallos Zek (PvP) a HAPPY place to play and interact with other people! Look under our philosophy section for more info.

And if you're looking for porn... Here's your Bestiality and here's your Japscat!!

Tuesday, March 6th, 2001

Big thanks to the pot smoking texans at tx420 for hosting us. FoH will always be at now, no more server jumping, so don't be afraid to link it.

It looks as though Artful Death, the 2nd best cult guild on Rallos is closing up shop. Sorry to see you guys go.

Moklar sent in a funny little story from the swamp, Beemer plays with the femmes, tons of wacky new players join FoH (how do you guys get those names past the filter?), and Blart takes a much needed vacation in Rivervale.

Wednesday, February 21st, 2001

FoH, the greatest cult guild on Rallos Zek continues to grow. This is thanks to our eagle-eyed recruiters. With quality new additions to the cult guild including Poopyfaceman and Rosieodonal, I certainly can't complain.

Blart sent in a couple updates to Swamp Defense. One episode includes the greatest smack talkers of all time, check it out!

Flying Poodles
Thursday, January 11th, 2001

Hello everybody! Beemer (aka "The Butcher of Butcherblock") and Nallian have been keeping happiness thriving on Rallos Zek in my absence. They have recruited many happy new players, including the pixelicious (and diseased) Talonna Pneumonia.

Now while I sort through all the rumors about The Swamp Defender

So what is it like to be the leader of an unrespected guild and be a PK?
"Well Gildurath, it's kind of like working at a fish market. Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day"

and messages like the one above, I'd like you to check out the following updates:

Peoo drawrs a piktoor of Blart, GM Akkirus joins the flowers, and a rogue named Crimey Bastad is born.

Tuesday, October 10th, 2000

Making Norrath Happy
Sunday, August 13th, 2000

Hi!!! Glad to see you here! ;)

A couple of weeks ago, I was looting the corpse of a certain high level character, who happened to be a member of a certain high-level guild. Of course, that certain badass, hardcore guild CONTROLS every zone in the game, especially the planes. If you get on their bad side, you might as well delete yourself. You wont be able to walk through any zone without being attacked by 30 of their members. Your friends will all abandon you. They will eventually take everything you have, they will 0wN you, beotch. All because you messed with the most powerful gangsta-like guild in the game, and they will undoubtedly remain the most powerful force in this constant, unchanging community FOREVER.

Hell, I was about to delete my character. Then all of a sudden, my confidence was renewed, the high level guy I just killed gave me this tell through his twink (who he was just twinking):

That is the best advice I have ever received in this game.

Of course, there are people out there that enjoy laggy, framerate killing, time consuming dragon and plane raids. Well maybe not the raid part, but they do love the status symbol equipment!

2 Bare Breasts.
Thursday, July 27th, 2000

Have you ever wondered what percentage of players on Rallos Zek are Varhn clones? You know.. the people who want true love from a random wood elf, the people who hear about school shootings and exclaim "damn those pk's!", the people who walk by beggers downtown and think "u suk n00bie!". Wouldn't you want to know how many there are?

Me neither.

Now while you reflect on Varhn, your Everquest buddies, and the most boring /guildchat channel in the game (property of Flowers of Happiness), i'd like you to take a deep, long look at Nadu's bare breasts. The driver of Nadu actually, no polygons needed (or wanted...).

update 1/16/01: Nadu has removed the picture of her mammary glands. However, you are still free to pretend.

ar u gay?
Monday, July 3rd, 2000

BYE!!! I'm gone for two whole weeks. I have faith that the other flowers will be able to keep Rallos Zek a happy place while i'm gone. It might take some effort, but it will pay off when everyone realizes what you do for them.

I never expected for anyone to be in this guild besides me, icedheart and a few of my friend's twink characters. But i'll be damned. Nallian has been a hardcore flower from the start, my old inkie buddy Dismenace joined, Ordieth is now with us promising death to all uber-guilds, morigan & spolep continue to crush newbies with weird names (e.g. Dogwelder), Appledore & Krayvex bring joy wherever their teleporting little hearts go, and even Shaee joined after Dark Unity (one of the most respected guilds on Rallos Zek) was disbanded. It's all about doing whatever makes you happy, and stopping those evil unhappy people.

I've done a nice update to the screenshots section, including a pictorial by Blart called "Swamp Defense". One episode shows a french wedding in Lake Rathe, which he gracefully crashes. That's it for now, stop by my house and feed my dog.. please!

Saturday, June 24th, 2000

HI!!! I was browsing the anything goes forum, and stumbled upon something great. It explained things to me that Luvvy's ogre breasts never could.

Ya know, we could all probably look at porn and chat on ICQ all day, but something keeps us coming back to Everquest.. and it's not just the random killing, or stupid things people say, or even the geeks who have cybersex with what they hope are women. None of those.

It's the roleplayers who pretend they are darkelves giving sharp-toothed blowjobs.

GM's and Pranksters
Friday, June 15th, 2000

HI!!!!! So happy to see you! This past week has been very eventful on our tiny server, and the Flowers would like to send a message to the following people

GM Akkirus; GM Temporalisx; The entire guild of Begotten; Lavey; Deveon; And everyone's favorite little prankster Haanibal:

In other news.....

I've updated our happy screenshots with a picture of a Dark Unity member offering money for his life. For some reason that makes me giggly! In case you were wondering why guildchat has been 100x less annoying lately, Dukky has been booted from the guild for saying "<----- pimp" and "w00t" too many times.

The Locetalon War
Friday, June 9th, 2000

Hi!!! I hope you are having a happy day! As many of you know, there will be a war soon. Popular opinion dictates that war is wrong. Therefore, this event will create much unhappiness. Flowers, we must put an end to the random killing!! On June 10th, we will enter Northern Ro and protest until the killing stops. Protest in any way you can... be creative!

I personally will protest by randomly killing those in support of the war.

The Reason
Saturday, May 31st, 2000

Hi again!! The flowers have begun to "re-tune" the Rallos Zek server into a happier place. Morigan & Spolep, two of the most notorious low level PK's have joined our cause. But wherever we go, there is another person out to make us unhappy. Corpse camping, kill stealing, and worst of all, NAME CALLING. So what keeps a flower going? Well, it's kind of hard to put it into words, but this one screenshot should explain more than I could ever tell you.

a flower going? Well, it's kind of hard to put it into words, but this one screenshot should explain more than I could ever tell you.