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editor's note: OH MYNDPYRE YOU'RE SO TOUGH!! Please don't kick my ass if I play a video game with you! I will play chess with you instead if you promise not to shove the rook up my urethra again!
The Flower version of PvP 101 is available here, but for now, lets see what Myndpyre wants to yell at our maggot ears.
EQPvP 101 The Basics – Attitude
For those just starting on a Zek Server
Lesson 1: I came here to kill people
Repeat after me, “I came here to kill people”
Welcome to EverQuest with “option” for PvP, but your grave and the coffin of every player on the PvP servers was nailed shut when you logged into these servers. If you are not here to kill or be killed, take your friendly ass to Bluebie Ro or Friendly Marr.
This is Player vs Player, plan on dying, plan on having to defend yourself, plan on having every goal you have set for yourself in the game outside of PvP delayed. Plan on being stabbed by those you consider friends, plan on getting upset, plan on accomplishing nothing for days on end.
You did not come here to kill dragons, you did not come here to kill gods, you did not come here to have the phatest lewt in the game, you came here to kill people. The sooner you get it through your bluebie head that you are a killer, and REALIZE that this is what you wanted to be, the faster you will start gaining the mentality that will keep you alive and the less you will see “LOADING PLEASE WAIT….”
If the dragons fall and the gods are defeated, those are added bonuses, but you did not come to this server to do that, you are a killer or you are a victim, your choice.
Lesson 2: You just got knocked the @#%$ out, what now?
Aweee, did Mister Meanie Inkie come gank you and take your spawn? Would you like a tissue? Oh you think that if you spam him for the next hour calling him every hostile word in your petty little head that you are going to upset him? Bluebie Please.
Why did he kill you? Why did he have to come into your dungeon on your only day off this month and gank you just before the spawn with the killer robe you wanted was about to drop?
Your answer is simple, yet so hard for many to understand, “Because he can”
He came to this server to kill people, if you still haven’t grasped lesson 1, please review it now. If you are reading this for the third time, and still haven’t grasped lesson 1, please delete your sorry ass and get the hell off of the “Zek” servers.
Now you are sitting naked at your bind point looking stupid, the newbies are looking at you wondering what just kicked your ass. What are you going to do?
You are going to run to your corpse, you are going to keep your mouth shut, you are going to loot your corpse, and you are going to leave. Why are you going to do this?
Because Mister Meanie Inkie kicked your ass, and Mister Meanie Inkie is standing on your corpse that has everything you own on it. Because Mister Meanie Inkie was smart enough to attack you when you were not ready, he has earned the right to stay there at HIS spawn that your ass has forfeited to him by combat at arms. Don’t like this concept?
Too bad, welcome to Zek. Get your shit, get out, stay out for a while. Show some respect to the player who just ganked you. There is gonna be a time when he is on the ground bleeding to death because of your actions, and he will be humbled back.
What now? There are more zones and spawns in this game then you can ever see, time to find something else to do.
Give you a clue, how about going to the enemies home city and learning how to fight.
Lesson 3: You are at the bottom of the food chain
Welcome to Zek, Mister Worm. You will eat dirt and like it. You should be happy we allow you to have OUR dirt, the only reason you do is because we have stopped caring about it, and players like you.
You do not own this server, you do not have the right to hunt anywhere without our permission.
You may ask, who is “Our”? “Our” is the first generation players of the Zek servers who run this place. Think of this as a jail cell, and we run the block. Get out of order and get a beating. Want to play hardball with us, then you best get strong, get some heavy levels, get a lot of friends, and get owned anyway. Such is life on the Zeks.
You earn the right to eat better then dirt or the right to breathe by doing one of two things.
First, is you ask our permission, and if we are in a humorous mood, we may allow you.
Second is to do it with attitude and balls, and when we ask you why you are on our turf, your response should be “Do something about it”, for more about “Do something about it” see lesson 6.
Again, You EARN the right to breathe, and eat something else besides dirt. You EARN this right by being tougher then the people who are telling you that you don’t have this right. You EARN your respect, and your reputation. You EARN the right to stop being a worm, and start being a rat.
If you want to be a rat without earning the right to be one, you will be ganked over and over again. If you forgot what to do when we gank you, please review lesson 2 a second time.
When you actually move up from Worm to Rat, you own the worms. Just be careful, because some worms have cats as friends who like to eat Rats who get too big for their ability to produce death.
Lesson 4: Just kill him
Ok, some munchie elfie just ganked your gnoll scout that you thought you owned, that gnoll also had a rusty two handed sword that you really could of used. If you seriously thought that was your gnoll, please go back and review lesson 3. That was not your gnoll, that was OUR gnoll, how quickly you forget.
So now you are upset, because this elfie interrupted your ability to level. First, I thought I told you that you were not allowed to breathe without asking for permission, but I guess you have started to get some balls and do it anyway, good! You are learning.
So now this elfie just laughed at you and your inability to finish what you have started. Feel the blood flowing yet? Getting mad? Feel yourself hitting the keys while you are typing just a bit harder then before? Oh you are starting to feel the pull to this server.
You are the little kid on the playground and some bully just took your ball. Now the elfie walks over to 2 other elfies who are also higher level then you, and nightmares of your childhood come to mind. The elfie gives that sword to his friend, and he shows it off to you, taunting you to do something about it.
Four choices you have in front of you, and this is your moment of truth.
First, you realize you are going to get your ass kicked, you turn around and look for another one of our gnolls to kill. If this was your decision, start the lesson over, because that same elf just did the same thing to you.
Second, you get stupid and call the “Police” to come intervene. Lets say for kicks and giggles that a cop (Guide or GM) shows up, they are going to sit down and explain to you that this is a pvp server, and they can do that. This makes matters worse and now the elves are laughing hysterically at you.
Third, you shout to the zone for help, and all of a sudden the entire zone is laughing at you. Please delete your character and go lie down next to your dog in the corner. When the dog goes to eat out of his bowl, kick him really hard and remind him that its your food. After doing this for an hour, start a new character and come back into the game. Also, go back to lesson one and start over EQPvP 101, you just failed.
Fourth and correct answer, just kill him. Walk up to him and his friends, and kick all 3 of their asses. You do not talk smack, you do not try to come up with some witty line out of a Rambo movie, you simply walk up and attack the elf that took your kill. You do not stop until he is dead or you are dead. You do not beat him down to almost no life then taunt him, you kill him. If he runs to all the way from Blackburrow to Akanon, you follow his ass to Akanon and finish it.
You do not run, you do not flee, you do not ask for help, you do not ask him what his mother was doing with the ogre last night, you just kill him or die trying.
If you do actually kill him, the next person that goes down is the one with the rusty 2 handed sword. Why? Because he was the one who received it. You keep attacking him until he is dead or you are dead. Rules are a bit different now. If this one flees, chase him off the play ground, then go after the third.
Why the third? Because he was there. Beat his ass into the ground and kill him too. If he flees the playground, the playground is yours and you made your point.
Now that is best case scenario, now lets deal with worst case scenario. You attack them, and they OWN you. You get rooted, you get nuke bombed, and they embarrass you. At this point, please return to lesson two and follow instructions on what to do to get your corpse back.
At minimal, you showed them that you are not one to be fucked with, and next time they will chose to pick on someone who they can bully and not have to spend the time in battle with.
Lesson 5: School of Hard Knocks and RESPECT
Oh, you are one of those players who like to tell everyone that you can hunt where you want to hunt because you pay your 10 bucks a month to be here?
Heh, great, we love players like you.
See, we pay our 10 bucks a month to do what we want to do, shove cold hard reality in your face and make you scream in agony.
Oh please tell us you are the type who like to tell us they are going to call the “Police” too, we love that.
I can play angel with the best of them, and when they show, my halo will be polished to a clean shine, and will GLOW for them. You will be so upset that you are using harsh language and screaming at the “police” person to do what you think his job is because you pay his salary. You own everything, and the Guide leaves laughing at you, because you forgot where you were.
See we know that the “Police” are king, and we treat them with respect at all times. You are a piece of shit who thinks they own everything, we win.
Oh, now that the “police” are not going to help you still think you got a chance? Oh you someone big in real life and are now gonna sue me?
Oh, you are my BEST friend, and we are gonna be best friends for a long time.
I am going to follow you everywhere you go, I am going to kick your helm in, I am bloody my sword on you or burn you to a crisp. I hope you walk into water so I can root you and watch you drown. I get a kick of casting blindness on you and watching you run off a cliff. I am going to kill you so much that your hard drive is going to crash from so many LOADING PLEASE WAIT sessions.
See on this server, you have one right, you have the right to get your body. I am going to ask you to get your body and leave MY zone. You say no and refuse to leave, I have the certified stamp of approval to put steel to bone on you a second time. If you leave the zone, and I catch you in another zone, you are free game.
Here is what you forgot. You don’t run this server, its OUR server. Forgot who OUR is, review lesson one.
Second, you forgot keep your mouth shut when you get your ass handed to you, as learned in lesson 2.
Third, you forgot that you are a worm, and picked a fight with someone higher up on the food chain then you, please review lesson 3.
Fourth, you didn’t kick your dog hard enough, review lesson 4.
Fifth, you are here to learn the hard way, some people need that though, I guess that is you.
Lets start with respect. First you need to learn the order of respect.
Highest respect is to the “Police”, because you piss them off enough you will no longer have an account, and you end up buying a second account and starting on the bottom of the food chain again. They are the ultimate authority regardless if you are a dragon who can kill any other 10 players at one time. If one shows up, its “Yes m’lord” or “Yes m’lady” and whatever they state is law, is law. Hear what they have got to say, don’t argue, and leave.
Second, is to you. Easiest way to respect yourself is to learn who you are and where you are allowed and not allowed to be.
Third, is to the powers of the server. Learn who runs which area, and either make friends with them, or don’t cross them.
Third is anyone who can take you out. Either they are stronger characters or play the game better, either way they can make your life hell if you piss them off enough.
Fourth and final, is everyone below you on the food chain. Respect them because even the smallest worms can grow up to be the largest dragons. They will REMEMBER you if you made their life hell for reasons not out of respect, and repay it a hundred times over. Don’t mistake respect with being soft, treat them rough, but be respectful.
No respect is given to those that show dishonor and lack of respect. Gank these morons mercilessly and earn more respect from those who have honor and show respect.
Lesson 6: Do something about it
Don’t take shit from anyone on a zek server, play it tough, but play it right. Someone says shit to you, hit them so hard that they see stars. If they do anything but stand there and bleed hit them again. If they open their mouth again hit them again. If they attack back, even a single punch, finish the fight and put them on the ground. If they didn’t attack you and backed off, cool down and leave them, you proved your point.
Don’t talk smack, let your actions tell the story. Anyone can come on the server and talk big smack, it’s the walk and actions that will make your reputation.
Doing something about it doesn’t mean bind point rushing and corpse camping someone. This will be covered more in EQPvP 102, dealing with Honor and Reputation. Doing something about it is about attitude.
As long as you maintain honor, do what you want to do. If anyone has a problem with it, tell them they can do something about it. Someone doesn’t do something you like, do something about it. The worst thing you can do is to never do anything. Sitting there with your thumb up your ass is the best way to get ganked and earn the reputation of “a lamer”
Lesson 7: Everyone takes a beating now and then
So you were walking around talking big smack and a group of 4 trolls introduced you what pointy horns are really used for. You were picking on some inkie who you thought was a cleric, and it turned out he was a SK who Harmtouched you so hard that when you woke up, you had 3 different patches to update. So you were laughing at a ranger 8 levels below you when he stepped up and put you on the ground. Ok scratch the last one, it is too far fetched, but you get the idea.
Realizing that you are mortal and can be killed is one of the most important aspects of PvP combat. You are not a god, you can be killed. You will not win every fight you engage.
The biggest thing to taking a beating is to LEARN from what happened. Why did you die? What mistakes did you make? How could you of won that fight? Where was your partner when you were getting turned into a Popsicle by the troll with the staff?
Don’t think that everything in this game is luck, there is a lot of skills involved in PvP combat. Learning to make the same mistake ONCE and not again, will keep you on the up and up and killing more.
Speaking of learning, your dog by now should know not to go to his food bowl while you are lying on the ground trying to figure out the name of your next character. If he can learn, so can you.
Lesson 8: Watch your back
Final lesson of EQPvP 101, is to always watch your back. If you are in a dungeon, your back is against the wall, and you are watching your screen in all directions to make sure no one is coming up on you.
If you are in an outdoor zone, you are on a zone wall, if you have to be in the middle of the zone, you are in third person view watching all directions.
Smart pvp’ers are constantly updating the /who list to know WHO is in the zone. Those who have been around for a long time know most of the enemies by name, approx level, definite class, and definite race. Also the reputation of the player as a good pk or a bad pk, honor level, and the guild they represent.
This knowledge takes time, but its something to get used to as soon as you enter the zone.
The Warlock of Discord
The Aggressors, Tallon Zek
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