I work at a grocery store in the poor part of town, and every once in a while this sleazy fellow named John would come in and exploit our shitty computer system to the point where $100 worth of items would come to a total of ~$30. This worked because our system automatically doubles all coupons, even though it's not supposed to for about 95% of them. Also, our store has a policy which states that if the price of an item on the computer is different than the price on the shelves, the item is free. John would go through the store almost every week and find any tags for expired sales that had been accidentally left up and purchase these items, which he would then take to the office to get his money back. I found out from a co-worker that he would resell most of the stuff he got from us at the Food Mart he owned down the block. Apparently he did this at almost every other grocery store in town, too.
Anyway, I haven't seen FoodMart John around in a while. I was talking to my night manager about him the other night, and as it turns out, John put a bullet in his brain about a week and a half ago. Apparently he had sold his store and made out with a couple hundred thousand. After selling the place, his stripper wife emptied their joint account and left his ass for Canada, or some other exotic country like that. FoodMart John didn't die, but he's missing half his face and a good portion of the old grey matter!
My manager has known the guy for several years, and before FoodMart John was scamming local grocery stores, he was selling untaxed cigarettes as the Tobacco King down the street. My manager says he was getting them from the Mafia, but I'd guess he was probably just buying them from some run-down Eastern European country. Anyway, he was a pretty ballsy scammer. Sort of a Robin Hood only instead of giving to the poor he gave to himself!
The feds caught up to John back in his Tobacco King days, and he had to leave the country for a few years to avoid being arrested! When he came back, he founded the Food Mart in his son's name and returned to his shady business practices.
Anyway, FoodMart John was a hero and true patriot. I doubt he had ever done a legitimate business deal in his life, and he drove a Benz and had a hot stipper wife. He was about to retire very comfortably and was only in his 40s, and I'm sure he would have gotten pretty drug-addict tail well into the point where he would have no longer been able to appreciate it if he hadn't given his stripper wife full access to his bank account. Now he's a vegetable.
The moral of the story: women are evil, and the only way to be a successful sleazy businessman is to be gay or a priest, and since I am both, I think I will try to follow John's business practices for the rest of my life. I think it wil work. How about you?!
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Originally Posted by miscreantgnomie
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