i used to clog the toilet every time i pooped
when i was like 8 - 22 years old i would hold in my poop for about 5-8 days and then destroy toilets... preferably public ones so my friends/family wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath ... but they were kissing glorious like 3 inch diameter logs...the human anus really is an amazing organ
Last edited by Hobbit; 08-05-2012 at 04:09 PM. Reason: diameter != radius
WTF WHY DID YOU KILL ME?
I have never clogged a toilet in my life. Life in prison would not be a good one for me.
I've switched to a more high protein diet and I have noticed if I neglect fiber my butt isn't very happy
<@
I'm very particular about where I shit. e.g. I've probably spent about 10% of the last 25 years in bars but have never shit in one. I really hate public toilets (for shitting).
Awesome TRUE RL shitting story:
My all-time greatest feat was hiking the Inca Trail for five days/four nights and not shitting. I had a reservation in this place called Gringo Bills at the end of the hike and was prairie dogging really bad during check-in. They were being typically latin American slow at the check in and finally gave me my room and I went up and laid down what was probably a six-foot long python of poop. It was so big it crested about 2" (5 cm Canadian) above the water when it was done. About mid-log, there was a knock on the door with the people telling me that they'd given me the wrong room and that I had to leave. They were really anxious to get me out of there. Miraculously, the toilet did not clog.
Other not-as-awesome RL shitting story:
My friends had just bought this amazing new apartment in NYC and were showing it off to us when for some bizarre reason I had a massive shit come on and had to run into the bathroom and lay it down. Turns out that was the first shitting in their new apartment and I think my friend was really mad that he didn't christen it.
But yeah ...
I'm always armed with a plunger and a brush because I do some mad shitting. I size up my toilets carefully and make sure all the tools are nearby.
PS: Please don't use ultra-plush TP if you like old growth trees. I use Scott single-ply.
I'm really turning into a man my poops every now and then are stinking up the place BAD
One time i was drinking with some friends, like 11 people. All playing wii games and boozing real hard. I realize I have to poop and use the facilities so i push hard and get it out and its large but not that large. anyhow i flush the toilet and its a no go. I frantically pull the plunger out and go to town, poop water sloshing up over the rim of the toilet since im drunk and fairly clumsy because of it. Flush again, no go. I do this about 5-6 times im in there a good 15 min, sweating everywhere now from nervousness and my vigorous plunging. The guy who owns the place is like " hey man are you okay in there???" Im like IM FINE. breathing hard...few minutes later i realized it was never clogged, you just have to hold the lever down for like 10 seconds when you flush.
i once had a 5-6" diameter shit...had to use a coat hanger to break it up so it would go down
i've also had the problem of toilet not flushing unless you hold it down
looking forward to naes' post on the issue
naes died RIP (rest in poop)
Must spread ...Originally Posted by Crying Eyes
Laughed harhar loud.
Yeah it's weird how your body decides it doesn't want to poop. My first time at rainbow was 3 days and I didn't poop and then my second time was a week and I didn't until the 6th day. Then on a cruise I didn't for like 5 days but even then everything felt uncomfortable on a rocking boat (it wasnt much but we had bad storms so we felt it a little bit). OH and then being in the grand canyon for 2 weeks I only pooped once or twice. WHY BUTTS WHY??
<@
im staying in this hotel and the toilet paper is awful cheap shit so when I wipe it just smears it around and makes butt itchy later. Thinking about using washrags but dont want hemmoroid. Also the water is so high that when wiping I accidently dunked my hand into my poopy mess.
Thanks for reminding me not to shake your hand.
I'm going to the Bronx to buy a car battery. Maybe I'll see you this afternoon if that's not too much of a fiasco.
When I was still in "film school" my mother in law came to visit and we took her to Hopworks (awesome brewery/restaurant) and while we were there I ordered and ate a football sized calzone.
The next day I was helping my friend film his senior thesis project and he had rented this house that was on the market and unoccupied during the sale. It was an expensive move for a student film maker so we all had to be super careful about returning the location in pristine condition.
Then along comes my calzone.
The shit I took was so massive that I KNEW I had to flush half way through just to make damn sure it all made it to the sewer but sure enough, that shit backed up.
I was only half way done shitting. So I shat on top of the already backed-up and overflowing toilet figuring I could plunge it and 98% of the crap would be trapped in the bowl and not on the floor. It didn't work exactly how I had planned.
After an intensely necessary and prodigious wiping, I ran down stairs to inform my film making buddy that I just kissed up his toilet and as I am telling him, water starts to leak through the ceiling, into the kitchen where we are shooting the scene. At this point I have kissed up his expensive location and simultaneously rendered him unable to even shoot his film.
I had to run to 5 neighbors houses and borrow plungers and mops and towels because the house we were in had almost nothing in it that we didn't bring.
No one who worked on that film with us ever invited me to help with any of their movie projects after that.
Pfunk: Your story almost killed me from laughing. hahaha is it actually a true story??? Through the CEILING?
I can poop anywhere at any time and have never clogged a toilet. Now, after reading these stories, I feel like I've been missing out on life
all true sire
borrowing towels from unknown neighbors so you can wipe up shit water was not an easy thing
I assume they were not lending you towels. Doubtful they wanted them back, no?
My first call today was a backed up toilet for an elderly woman. There was a small single turd in the toilet and maybe 3 lbs. of toilet paper and she wondered why it wasn't flushing. I told her to take it easy on the TP THAT'LL BE $130, thank you!
Protip: Wet wipes, even the ones marketed as 'flushable', are NOT flushable under any circumstances. Along with lady products, but I assume most people know that.
To date the best toilet related service call was snaking out a clogged toilet and pulling back a condom wrapper. People flush condoms all the time, but this was the first wrapper I ever pulled back. And it wasn't a normal tin foil wrapper. It was a tin foil wrapper with some strange 2" x 3" plastic backing it was stuck on. About the size of an iPhone. It was hard plastic and it jammed up the toilet real good. I pulled it out and unknowingly took it upstairs to show the homeowner. She saw it, asked what it was and I said, "It's a condom wrapper" and her face went white. She gasped and told her husband, who she was talking on the phone with, "I'll call you back." She hangs up and says, "THAT'S MY 17-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER'S BATHROOM! She is having sex with her boyfriend!" All I could do was chuckle a little. It made sense now, that some high school kid didn't know you couldn't flush that crap. I do feel kind of bad. But goddamn I think kids are boning much earlier these days, don't understand why she was so upset.
A close second to being the best toilet related service call was for this woman who flushed her Droid down the toilet. It had spent all night down there. I came and pulled the toilet, snaked out the phone. She took it apart and let it dry overnight and it WORKED THE NEXT DAY!
Also I pulled a rubber ducky out of a toilet for a guy with a 4 year old. I handed it to him, all shit-covered and whatnot, and said, "You might want to wash this before you give it back to him." He said, "That goddamn kid just cost me hundreds. Throw it away."
The thing was that I didn't lack the sensation to poop... I wanted to poop after the standard 12 hour - 36 hour time period. It's that I would hold the poop in through a repeat maneuver. When the call to nature came, I could find a secluded spot (because I looked odd when I did it) and I would sit on me left foot with my calf on the ground with my left knee fully bent. The right knee would be up to my chin with my right foot planted on the ground. The colon contractions would be in full effect but my weight on my left foot which was under my butt would create a very effective anal seal. The sensation of colon contractions meeting 100% resistance was incredibly pleasurable for some reason (possible pressure on my prostate? Not sure) which is why it became an addiction to me. Inevitably though, there came a point after 4-7 days of contractions of ever decreasing intervals that I had to actually relieve myself. That is when I would find a poor helpless public toilet to destroy. The resulting bowel movement was amazing to behold but not fun to produce. It would often result in minor bleeding that would involve me placing small folded paper towels into my ass crack to bandage the wound. But to this day I miss those trapped poop sessions. I've been pooping like most other folk for going on 7 years now... But I miss my old sessions...At least I wasn't pooping into a sock I guess...
WTF WHY DID YOU KILL ME?
Some parents are really freaking weird when it comes to the sexuality of their older kids. 17 is a bit too old to be shocked that they're having sex, but I know girls that are 21 that aren't allowed to have their boyfriends stay over haha
this is my poop
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