Flower Power

Hail fellow Norathians! I decided that it was time to bring you a story of a true Antonican Hero. Unfortunately, I couldn't find anyone to fit that bill so instead I bring you a story about Rancar the Obnoxious Bard. It seems that word of our amazing talents has been spread far and wide among the evil and neutral pagans. A prime example of this comes from meeting my good friend Konstant.

You see, Konstant likes to sit at the GFay spires and burn goods as they port in. The fact that he finds the pictures of dead wood elves to be sexually gratifying is of no concern. What is important is that he must be stopped!

The fact that I had burned him as he was burning others was extremely distressing to him.

After camping him for a while we had a long and productive conversation. It turns out that Konstant is just misunderstood. It is ok to burn greens and reds, but by no means should you burn an even con. You should fight it out like men, or maybe Klingons. I can't remember which, the scene of all the dead wood elves left me extremely turned on.

At this point I didn't know what to do. I was bored. Thankfully my guildmates had heard about the new computer made out of my body parts.

[Thu Jul 11 08:20:30 2002] Twiggyy tells the guild, 'tehy just made a DNA computer'
[Thu Jul 11 08:20:47 2002] You say to your guild, 'That computer is actually my penis. Also the worlds smallest CPU. Intel thought they could make em small but mine is microscopic! Ha take that. Moores law my ass.'

After such a stunning realization, my fellow guildmates decided to join me on a journey to enlighten the neutral masses. The problem was that I was now in Odus and really needed to get up to my home. Standing between me and my beloved pile of rock were two evils. Canibal and Quicktongue.

[Thu Jul 11 18:01:24 2002] a fire beetle tells you, 'Attacking Canibal Master.'
[Thu Jul 11 18:01:24 2002] Nexus Scion says 'Time to die Caniba.'
[Thu Jul 11 18:01:24 2002] Nexus Scion says 'Shadowknights like you always bring out the worst in me!'
[Thu Jul 11 18:01:24 2002] Nexus Scion says 'Time to die Caniba.'
[Thu Jul 11 18:01:24 2002] Nexus Scion says 'I really hate Shadowknights like you!'
[Thu Jul 11 18:02:39 2002] You say out of character, 'the scion is jealous of the love we share canibal'
[Thu Jul 11 18:03:42 2002] Quicktongue says out of character, 'time for the slaughter'
[Thu Jul 11 18:03:42 2002] Quicktongue has been slain by Nexus Scion!

Quick of tongue perhaps, but slow of wit most definitely. I was less surprised to see these evils go down then a Thai hooker finding out she is HIV positive. Once on the moon I ran into more lizards intent on killing me. I couldn't remember if lizards and cats were enemies by nature, but by god they were out to get me. Luckily they didn't count on my two friends the Rikes Brothers. My two good buddies are both lvl 61 and love to protect me! I would write up an elegant prose describing the love and admiration we have for each other, but a picture is worth a thousand words....

It appears Snapgorth is no match for the friendship I have with these wonderful gnomes. I ran into my friend Quicktongue in here too, but after throwing a few insults my way he quickly ran out of the zone upon seeing all the wonderful friends I had with me.

Now that my home was finally free I could join up with my fellow Flowers and liberate the swamps of Innothule.

[Fri Jul 12 15:06:13 2002] Fansy shouts, 'ATTENTION SCARY BAD GUYS: SINCE WE ARE MORAL PEOPLE FILLED WITH GOOD ETHICS, WE ARE GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO LEAVE THIS ZONE NOW'
[Fri Jul 12 15:06:28 2002] Fansy shouts, 'Innothule Swamp is for GOOD GUYS'
[Fri Jul 12 15:06:32 2002] Weenog shouts, 'Suck my big @'
[Fri Jul 12 15:06:52 2002] Fonso shouts, 'The movie big?'
[Fri Jul 12 15:06:53 2002] Woodshelfx says out of character, 'your at isnt too big'
[Fri Jul 12 15:06:55 2002] You say out of character, 'No need to feel ashamed just because you have a tiny @. I'm sure the froglocks will love you anyways.

[Fri Jul 12 15:07:41 2002] Currly has been slain by Woodshelfx!'
[Fri Jul 12 15:07:45 2002] Weenog shouts, 'Usealy neut and goodie fags pk in guk'
[Fri Jul 12 15:08:39 2002] Weenog has been slain by Woodshelfx!

Apparently the trolls and ogres of the swamplands spend to much time on the message boards. You see, they are filled with racist hatred.

[Fri Jul 12 15:10:40 2002] Weenog shouts, 'Do you pick on greens because your too weak to kill blacks?'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:50 2002] Nysh says out of character, 'THAT IS RACIST SIR'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:51 2002] Fansy shouts, 'No sir we're not racist'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:51 2002] You shout, 'Sir, I resent that racist remark'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:51 2002] Fonso shouts, 'That is very racist.'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:52 2002] Sunshinne shouts, 'we are not racist sir!'
[Fri Jul 12 15:10:52 2002] Weenog shouts, 'Thats what i thought'
[Fri Jul 12 15:11:19 2002] Woodshelfx shouts, 'SIRE I AM A MEMBER OF THE NAACP AND I FIND THAT REMARK OFFENSIVE'
[Fri Jul 12 15:11:28 2002] Weenog shouts, 'Then pk in gul where blacks often are'
[Fri Jul 12 15:12:37 2002] Weenog has been slain by Woodshelfx!

At this point we decided to pay the Gnomes of Akanon a visit. Unfortunately, only my fellow Flowers Woodshelf and Nysh could attend. Upon arriving on steamfront we were shocked to see a druid attempting to buy his spells. Not only that he was an even con!

[Mon Jul 15 13:31:10 2002] Taft has been slain by Nysh!
[Mon Jul 15 13:31:23 2002] Nysh tells the group, '39pp~'
[Mon Jul 15 13:45:32 2002] Woodshelfx tells the group, 'ranger buffs last like 10 minutes ;\'
[Mon Jul 15 13:45:42 2002] You tell your party, 'thats ok mine last 15 seconds'
[Mon Jul 15 13:45:57 2002] You tell your party, 'im the pre-mature ejaculator of buffing'

Upon reaching the gates of the home city we came upon a little gnome named Kabume. He assured us that one should never kill another without cause, and that we needed to leave before he was forced to destroy us. Unfortunately for him he happened to be bound by the guards, and had no idea the love they shared with me.

[Mon Jul 15 14:01:44 2002] Kabume says, 'never kill without a cause'
[Mon Jul 15 14:02:04 2002] You have slain Kabume!

[Mon Jul 15 14:05:00 2002] a krag chick tells you, 'Attacking Kabume Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:05:00 2002] a skeleton is ahead and to the left.
[Mon Jul 15 14:05:00 2002] Watchman Halv says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:00 2002] Kabume has been slain by Watchman Halv!

[Mon Jul 15 14:06:25 2002] a krag chick tells you, 'Attacking Kabume Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:25 2002] Watchman Prenn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:25 2002] Watchman Prynn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:25 2002] Watchman Prenn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:25 2002] Watchman Prynn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:06:26 2002] Kabume has been slain by Watchman Halv!

Mon Jul 15 14:07:06 2002] a krag chick tells you, 'Attacking Kabume Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:06 2002] Kabume has been slain by Watchman Halv!
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:10 2002] You tell your party, 'lol'
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:11 2002] Nysh tells the group, 'lmfao'

[Mon Jul 15 14:07:40 2002] a krag chick tells you, 'Attacking Kabume Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:40 2002] Watchman Prenn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:40 2002] Watchman Prynn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:07:41 2002] Kabume has been slain by Watchman Halv!

Upon seeing the carnage we had been wrecking a fellow gnome named Scroticous decided to join the fray. Not only had he named himself after the part of the body his father rests on his chin, he also decided to astound us with his use of the english language.

[Mon Jul 15 14:11:49 2002] Scrotikous has been slain by Woodshelfx!
[Mon Jul 15 14:15:14 2002] Scrotikous says out of character, 'assholes cant u just let us get our damn exp'
[Mon Jul 15 14:15:38 2002] Scrotikous says out of character, 'suck on it woman'
[Mon Jul 15 14:19:00 2002] You tell your party, 'I think we need to exp kill him'
[Mon Jul 15 14:22:24 2002] a large rat tells you, 'Attacking Scrotikous Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:22:25 2002] Watchman Prenn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'
[Mon Jul 15 14:22:25 2002] Watchman Prynn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'

[Mon Jul 15 14:26:52 2002] a decaying gnome skeleton tells you, 'Attacking Scrotikous Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:26:52 2002] Watchman Prynn says 'Die, you vile beast!!'

[Mon Jul 15 14:28:57 2002] You have slain Scrotikous!
[Mon Jul 15 14:28:57 2002] Your faction standing with most gnomes has become worse.

[Mon Jul 15 14:39:45 2002] Scrotikous says out of character, 'oh are u all done now ass blossums?'
[Mon Jul 15 14:40:45 2002] Scrotikous says out of character, 'u trying to teach a lesson? cuz all i learned is that yer a bunch of fairys that liek to team up on level 10s'
[Mon Jul 15 14:41:10 2002] You say out of character, 'we are the GOOD guys. you are evil, you are supposed to lose'

After every gnome in sight had logged we decided to try our luck with Kaladim, the home of the noble dwarves. It was here that we ran into the two neuts that would make our day. Bradok and Armidias

Poor Bradok just wanted to rid his land of evil rats and bats. Little did he know the terrors that were in store for him.

[Mon Jul 15 14:55:06 2002] A giant bat's eyes glaze over.
[Mon Jul 15 14:55:08 2002] a giant bat tells you, 'Attacking Bradok Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 14:55:08 2002] Bradok has been slain by Nyzill Bloodforge!
[Mon Jul 15 14:55:52 2002] You say out of character, 'hey bradok who killed you?'
[Mon Jul 15 14:55:57 2002] Nysh says out of character, 'Nyzil Blood'
[Mon Jul 15 14:56:06 2002] Bradok shouts, 'nyzil bloodforge'
[Mon Jul 15 14:56:14 2002] You say out of character, 'shouldn't upset your own gaurds liekt aht'
[Mon Jul 15 14:56:24 2002] Bradok shouts, 'i just left clicked it.....'
[Mon Jul 15 14:56:44 2002] Nysh says out of character, 'GOOD JOB YOU BROKE THE GAME BRADOK :('

On the way back to his corpse Bradok had to run by some more Dwarven gaurds.

[Mon Jul 15 15:00:11 2002] Guard Belg says 'For the glory of Kaladim, have at thee!!'
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:11 2002] Guard Haldin says 'For the glory of Kaladim, have at thee!!'
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:12 2002] Bradok has been slain by Guard Belg!
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:12 2002] Bradok is straight ahead.
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:12 2002] You have lost your target.
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:14 2002] You tell your party, 'lol'
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:19 2002] Woodshelfx tells the group, 'laff'
[Mon Jul 15 15:00:43 2002] Bradok shouts, 'holy shit, wtf?'
[Mon Jul 15 15:06:44 2002] Bradok shouts, 't, the guard cons amiably, so why do they kill me ?'

It was at this point that we met up with a lvl 18 halfing named Armidias. Boy was he glad to see me! He had heard about Flowers of Happiness and what great Neuts we were.

Apparently not realizing that I had been the one to kill him he decided to ask for the help of a fellow neutral.

[Mon Jul 15 15:07:25 2002] You say out of character, 'GO GO NEWT TEEAM'
[Mon Jul 15 15:07:34 2002] Armidias tells you, 'are you a newt ? '
[Mon Jul 15 15:07:43 2002] You told Armidias, 'uh yeah'
[Mon Jul 15 15:07:49 2002] Armidias tells you, 'sweet '
[Mon Jul 15 15:08:12 2002] Armidias tells you, 'i need your help man i gotta get my body from the X roads hut'
[Mon Jul 15 15:08:18 2002] Skyrider says out of character, 'ya your guild scams if u didnt know'
[Mon Jul 15 15:09:08 2002] a giant bat tells you, 'Attacking Bradok Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 15:09:08 2002] Guard Mandin says 'For the glory of Kaladim, have at thee!!'

It was at this point that something puzzling occured. Armidias asked me if I could drag his corpse for him. His geared body was extremely twinked (well if you consider lammy's twinkage anymore) making me wonder where he got the platinum to buy all his stuff and yet have no clue that cats were infact on the good team.

On his way to get his body I killed him a few more times. He didn't seem to have any idea why the gaurds were attacking him at all.

[Mon Jul 15 15:10:24 2002] a giant scarab tells you, 'Attacking Armidias Master.'
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:24 2002] Guard Mandin says 'For the glory of Kaladim, have at thee!!'
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:24 2002] Nyzil Bloodforge says 'Now you shall know the skill of a member of the Bloodforge Brigade!!'
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:24 2002] Guard Zyburr says 'For the glory of Kaladim, have at thee!!'
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:46 2002] Armidias tells you, 'wow dead again '
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:49 2002] You told Armidias, 'shit man'
[Mon Jul 15 15:10:59 2002] You tell your party, 'lol he is asking for my help again'
[Mon Jul 15 15:11:09 2002] Bradok shouts, 'Would any of you powerlvl me and my bro? so we will be more newt?'
[Mon Jul 15 15:11:48 2002] You say out of character, 'stop aggroing the gaurds Brad... they are going crazy'
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:25 2002] Armidias tells you, 'do we have any zones ew own ? '
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:27 2002] A giant scarab's eyes glaze over.
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:37 2002] You told Armidias, 'all of kunark and the moon and antonica'
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:46 2002] Your charm spell has worn off.
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:51 2002] A giant scarab's eyes glaze over.
[Mon Jul 15 15:14:53 2002] Armidias tells you, 'oh sweet'

[Mon Jul 15 15:16:59 2002] Armidias tells you, 'hey are you near x roads still ? '
[Mon Jul 15 15:17:15 2002] Armidias tells you, 'mind pullin my body for me dude ? '

After some consultation it was decided I should drag his body way up above Kaladim. Here is a good representation.



On the way out we ran into a few more Neuts which we promptly killed. I find it touching that my last tell before logging would come from Armidias.

[Mon Jul 15 15:30:26 2002] You say out of character, 'you re-rolled nansy?'
[Mon Jul 15 15:30:45 2002] Nansy says out of character, 'omf STFU RETARDS IM NOT NANCY IS MY NAME NANCY NO SO STFU'
Mon Jul 15 15:31:17 2002] Nansy says out of character, 'im not nancy so take ur ego trip outside phag'
[Mon Jul 15 15:31:26 2002] You tell your party, 'lol I always ask him that in every zone'
[Mon Jul 15 15:31:31 2002] You tell your party, 'it makes him go apeshit'

[Mon Jul 15 15:38:42 2002] Polix has been slain by Woodshelfx!
[Mon Jul 15 15:39:14 2002] Polix says out of character, 'lol legends pussy'
[Mon Jul 15 15:41:59 2002] Polix says, 'no no no, please no xp loss at lvl 15'
[Mon Jul 15 15:46:38 2002] Polix says out of character, 'both on RZ on here, FoH is absolutely the biggest collection of gimps i have ever seen in my life'

[Mon Jul 15 15:45:23 2002] a griffawn judges you amiably -- You could probably win this fight.
[Mon Jul 15 15:45:24 2002] Polix has been slain by a griffawn!
[Mon Jul 15 15:45:31 2002] Onehit looks your way apprehensively -- he would make quite a formidable opponent.
[Mon Jul 15 15:46:10 2002] Onehit has been slain by Woodshelfx!
[Mon Jul 15 15:46:15 2002] You tell your party, 'Damn, now I know why they call him onehit'

[Mon Jul 15 15:51:00 2002] Armidias tells you, 'would you mind doin a Corpse locate for me man '